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09:02pm 06/03/2003
  Not a word matters
Silence digs a hole
Tears fall
Cold response
Seeing is beleiving
and without eyes
one wanders into
the unknown.

Didnt know it could
hurt so much
Didnt know
I would die alone.


( *May Angels Lead You In* )

11:50am 03/03/2003
  Hey!!.. I just wanted to take this opportunity in promoting my new community wordsofsolitude..

Its a place where freedom of expression is wanted.. through poetry, words, and rambles.. If you have feelings of not belonging, of feeling so alone.. you can belong at wordsofsolitude

I lost my brother to cot death in 1993.. he was 20 months old.. I have written a lot of poetry about it, and the feelings that surround the emptyness you feel losing a child...

Thanks xx Angela

Life is a prison
Oh God let me out
No one to listen
To hear when you shout

Climb the walls of insanity
Ride the waves of despair
If you fall it don't matter
There's no one to care

Used to wish for a window
To see birds, trees and sky
But you're better without one
Stops you aiming too high

Strong is good, weak is bad.
Be it false, be it true
Your mind makes the choice
And enforces it too

Hide the pain, carry on
Routine is the key
Don't let on that you're not
What you're pretending to be

So how do you grow
With a timebomb inside?
Or how to defuse it
Without destroying its ride?

You can't.

( *May Angels Lead You In* )

The world needs more dorks. 
11:09am 03/09/2002
  It doesn't seem like a week goes by that I don't think of _confuzion_. I keep expecting to see his comments to my posts, or reading about his day. I still have him on all my chat lists. I can't delete them even though I know he will never be back. I still wait for the day I'll see it flash on the screen, I just know it never will.  

( *May Angels Lead You In* )

Alfred James Coursol 1921-1999 
05:00pm 01/09/2002
  .When my Dad died it was much different for me. I don't know if it was because of what I was going through at the time (which was W.W.III, my divorce), the vision or just the way I am but there was very little mourning for me.

My father had a stroke that lasted 4 months until he passed. During that time he did 2 things for me
He came to me in a vision one day as I sat on the couch exhausted from everything that was going on. At the time of the vision I felt like I knew and understood everything and the moment I stood up it was all gone, but he somehow had taken the grief away from me and to this day 2 years later it has only been a sigh and a small tear.

He was also unable to speak or move during this time but one day while alone with him he sang the best he could Tom Dooley, a song he used to sing to me when I was a little boy. The enthusiastic look on his face will live with me forever. To me it was a sign to get back into my music, which I have.

When I last saw him 2 nights before he died I went to say good- bye. I thanked him for the baseball glove when I was five, for the banana seat and sissy bar to trik out my bike for all the good talks and vacations and fun. I thanked him for being my Dad. I told him I am who I am because of him and that I was proud of who I am and told him not to worry about Mom or the rest of the family I could handle itit is okyou can let goit's so beautiful thereI will see you again

I looked into his eyes and said good bye for the last time
He died two days later in the middle of the night.

I have no fear of death; I have no fear of living.
I know where I am,
I know where I'm from,
I know where I'm going.


( 1 friend heard me| *May Angels Lead You In* )

One thing 
09:18am 01/09/2002
  I think it would be a nice touch if there was sort of an obit list in the bio section of this community.

For example, there are other users who have died that I know about. flashman and dawnmarie.

Anyway...just my $0.02.


( 2 friend heard me| *May Angels Lead You In* )

02:13am 01/09/2002
mood: lazy
yea this is just to start things off.. but i thought i might as well and for anyone who might be joining this in the future.. i'm candy.. founder of last_thoughts...in the past 2 years i've lost about 10 people....everyday memories of them go through my head... its really hard.. last year when my friend Tempest hung herself.. it hit me so bad i didn't eve just go through regular after death depression.. it sparked clinic depression and i suffered with that feeling for a long time.. eventually i tried killing my self.. and they put me in a mental hospital.. oh fun times.. even after i got out people kept dying.. my little cousin steven.. age 10 i believe.. died of a brain tumor.. then my aunt... breast cancer.. then what hurt me the most.. my mamaw.. we were so close.. i loved her with all my heart..i was there when she past away and pictures of her taking her last breathes are still imprinted in my mind...


( 1 friend heard me| *May Angels Lead You In* )

12:52am 01/09/2002
mood: excited
just testing

( *May Angels Lead You In* )